It's a GIRL!!!!!

On Wednesday the 27th of January we found out that the baby in my belly is a little GIRL! Both Dirk and I bawled at the ultrasound as we saw her perfect developed tiny body and got the amazing news. Overly abundantly blessed that is how I feel.

I haven't been as sick as I was with Briana and Dirk says it's been a little worse than it was with Beckham. I was so sure it was a boy because my pregnancy is so different. But I was wrong. After leaving the ultrasound I had some time to reflect and cry tears of joy at how good God is. I have so often heard that we are to cry out the desires of our hearts to God and He wants to fill them. But I ask for so many things during my pregnancies...a baby born alive, no cord issues, perfect development, lungs to be mature at 36 weeks, not to be sick so I can enjoy my family. So many important things that I was afraid to ask for a little girl. Next to these huge requests it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl so I didn't ask.

In my silence God still took time to search the crevices of my heart and see that I really really want the opportunity to raise a daughter. And in His way of overflowing our cups He is knitting one together in my womb right now. I felt her start moving at a business meeting at 17 weeks 2 days and have felt her every day since.

When Briana died I felt like I lost 2 things. I lost HER, Briana Joy that I had seen on the ultrasound and felt in my belly. At the same time I also lost my dreams, plans and life with a daughter. Dirk had pictured trying to take her hiking and her crying for her mom because she was tired and her shoes were getting dirty. I envisioned putting huge bows onto tiny little pigtails and becoming friends as she grew into a woman.

I feel ready to "dream" again and start thinking about being a mommy to an amazing little boy AND a little girl. Immense healing took place last Wednesday and God showed me once again how much we are loved and taken care of. He is the God of miracles and I love him so much.

Baby Girl (we are working on your name) when you read this someday please know you are loved, cherished and an abundant blessing from God. Mommy loves you already!