Changes

Her lungs are developed and we are all set to meet little Evalyn Joy tomorrow morning. It is so hard to believe tomorrow at this time I will be a mother of 3! Poor Dirk, I have definately been an emotional pregnant lady the last few days, I just feel like everything is changing at the same time and it is happening so quickly. Dirk and I have always done change all at once and God has blessed us beyond what we could have asked for each time. I know that this will be no different, but it's still hard.

I found out that my company is doing layoffs on the 15th so I may not have a job to go back to. It has been hard saying goodbye to my partners who are now dear friends. I don't want another job, I don't want to interview or even think about any of this. So I'm not going to until September (if I have to)/

I have also been really emotional about my special time alone with Beckham has come to an end. I totally delight in that little boy and like a typical mom think everything he does is precious. Last night I tried to explain to him how much I love him and even though we won't have as much time together I still love him the same. He looked at me very seriously and then pointed and said "door". Pretty sure he will do just fine.

Tomorrow is the big day! I will get to meet sweet Evalyn and hold her in my arms and kiss her tiny lips. I CAN"T WAIT!!!! Thank you for all of the prayers that you have said for my family over the last 9 months (actually 3 years). Evalyn is my second little girl, but the first one that I get to bring home. What a beautiful journey we have been on and tomorrow starts another amazing chapter...tears of joy, uncertainty and love.

Beckham

I can't believe in a week Evalyn will be here! I can't wait to hold her in my arms and kiss her head and tell her how much I love her. And at the same time I find I am mourning the idea that Beckham and I won't have as much one on one time together. I just adore that little boy and know that my time with him is so special! He has been learning so much lately it has been amazing both Dirk and I. He says tons of words: mama, dada, bird, dog, woof, tree, more, no, let's go, door, ball, wawa (water), baby. He can point to all different body parts and knows the sounds that dogs, cows, cats and birds make. Dirk has been working with the monkey sound and I asked Beckham the other day, who makes a monkey sound (I actually did the noise) and he proudly said DADA!!! Dirk and I are so amazed that such a beautiful precious little boy is ours! Here are a few photos from Mother's Day. My next post will be of our family of 4!!!!!

Silly Girl

I love Dr. Brown! I quite possibly have the best OB imaginable. After 1 call this morning she said to come in for a biophysical profile and NST to make sure baby is OK. I didn't have to argue or fight to have the care I need, she just does it and makes is so easy for me. What a blessing!

Praise God, Evalyn is doing well. I saw her moving all around the ultrasound but didn't feel any of it. Why you ask??? She is positioned with all of her arms and legs smooshed right into my placenta so it absorbs all of the movement. I did get a good look at her grabbing her toes and of course her hands were right up by her face just like her big bro. The NST was great we got 20 minutes of good monitoring and her heartrate was right where it should be.

She had her shoulder pressed right up on the cord insertion site into the placenta so that may also explain her hiccup episode the other night, she was compressing the cord herself.

Thanks for your prayers, love and support. Next Monday Dirk and I meet with Dr. Collins in New Orleans to take a good look at Evalyn and her cord. And 10 weeks from today and we get to celebrate Evalyn's arrival...can't wait to hold my little girl.

Peace, Joy and then Saturday...

On Thursday evening I host some a bible study with some AMAZING women from my neighborhood. All of us have young families and so I have to admit that our 10 week study we thought would be finished by Christmas is looking more like Easter at this point. I adore these ladies and their prayers changes lives...mine was changed on Thursday. God spoke to me and told me that Evalyn (Baby Girl Hanson now has a name!) is going to be OK. He said, "I am watching her for you." I also saw Jesus full of joy interacting with her and he showed me how when I monitor he is giving me proof that he is doing a good job watching her each day.

What would you do you do when God is resting his hands on your tummy and talking to you? I cried and let go and was immediately filled with peace. A joy has been radiating in me since then like I haven't felt since before Briana died. I found myself giggling (OK...Sarah, Katie and I did get some great shopping time together so that might have been a little part of it!)

Then came Saturday and today...why is Satan so annoying?!? Evalyn is moving different, really different than she has before and having tons of hiccups. It makes me nervous, actually terrified that she isn't OK. God just told me she was OK and 2 days later I am at Fairview Southdale trying to track my little girl on the monitor...so frustrating!

So as of right now I am praying to get an ultrasound tomorrow to see how she is doing and if the cord is wrapped or being compressed anywhere. I go to see Dr. Collins a week from tomorrow and can't wait to have him look at my sweet Evalyn and how she is doing.

Why does Satan try to steal our joy and our peace? Why do we let him? Why is fulfilling the simple dream of having a few children so challenging for so many families? I have been repeating God's message to me..."She is OK, I am watching her" over and over again.

Why does June 2 seem so far away?

It's a GIRL!!!!!

On Wednesday the 27th of January we found out that the baby in my belly is a little GIRL! Both Dirk and I bawled at the ultrasound as we saw her perfect developed tiny body and got the amazing news. Overly abundantly blessed that is how I feel.

I haven't been as sick as I was with Briana and Dirk says it's been a little worse than it was with Beckham. I was so sure it was a boy because my pregnancy is so different. But I was wrong. After leaving the ultrasound I had some time to reflect and cry tears of joy at how good God is. I have so often heard that we are to cry out the desires of our hearts to God and He wants to fill them. But I ask for so many things during my pregnancies...a baby born alive, no cord issues, perfect development, lungs to be mature at 36 weeks, not to be sick so I can enjoy my family. So many important things that I was afraid to ask for a little girl. Next to these huge requests it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl so I didn't ask.

In my silence God still took time to search the crevices of my heart and see that I really really want the opportunity to raise a daughter. And in His way of overflowing our cups He is knitting one together in my womb right now. I felt her start moving at a business meeting at 17 weeks 2 days and have felt her every day since.

When Briana died I felt like I lost 2 things. I lost HER, Briana Joy that I had seen on the ultrasound and felt in my belly. At the same time I also lost my dreams, plans and life with a daughter. Dirk had pictured trying to take her hiking and her crying for her mom because she was tired and her shoes were getting dirty. I envisioned putting huge bows onto tiny little pigtails and becoming friends as she grew into a woman.

I feel ready to "dream" again and start thinking about being a mommy to an amazing little boy AND a little girl. Immense healing took place last Wednesday and God showed me once again how much we are loved and taken care of. He is the God of miracles and I love him so much.

Baby Girl (we are working on your name) when you read this someday please know you are loved, cherished and an abundant blessing from God. Mommy loves you already!

Baby Boden

I was blessed to be able to take newborn photos for my friends little guy, Boden James. He was born on New Year's Eve and is such a laid back precious little guy. His mom, Dawn and I live a few houses down from each other and she is one of the most sincere, thoughtful, godly women I know. What a fun afternoon celebrating God's newest creation!

The blue stretchy thing is called an egg and I knit it last night after buying the pattern from Etsy (which I love by the way). It is so adorable the way the babies scrunch up inside of it and as a bonus Boden LOVED it! He was totally laid back when we stretched it all around him. If Baby Hanson #3 is a boy (which we find out a week from Wednesday!) you may be seeing a repeat of "the egg" this summer.

Dawn, thanks for sharing Boden and letting me try out my creativity and photography skills.

What a year!

Here are some precious photos from Beckham's first year photos. Sarah, you are amazing! Thank you for capturing Beckham's precious year with us. He was smiling and crawling all over. What a busy boy pulling up on everything, crawling up the stairs, and loving all of his new Christmas toys. He now dances to music and laughs at pretty much everything. How did I get so fortunate to have such an adorable and happy little boy. My heart overflows with my love for him and I am LOVING having so much time with him.

I know that I have so many updates that I haven't had time (OK, that's a lie...I haven't had energy) to upload and post. We have Christmas photos and swimming lessons photos that need to go up as well. I should probably do this before his birthday party. I should also clean my house, finish the laundry, put Beckham's toys away and clean the kitchen and here I am on the computer thinking about climbing into bed,

Hope you enjoy my sweet smiling little boy as much as I do.